reasons i am not that sort of bowie fan


I am not a racist, but…

I am thinking of starting up a petition to stop any black musicians covering David Bowie songs. It is not because they are black. It is because they just do not get Bowie. Not like Bono and Chris Martin do. Or Tony Blair and David Cameron.

Only white musicians should cover Bowie songs because otherwise it is called cultural appropriation, and cultural appropriation is A Bad Thing. If there was one thing David did not like it was cultural appropriation, or stealing other people’s ideas. Two things. I really seriously think you can not argue with that. I think it would be amazing if Bono, Coldplay, Damon Albarn and Noel Gallagher could get together on stage at the BRITS and play a set of Bowie covers. That would be fitting, because it would be by people who GET Bowie.

I do not think it is fitting that David should be paid tribute by a musician who is all about trying to be trendy, trying out new ideas and also slavishly following fashion. David was not like that. David was nothing to do with fashion, or new ideas, or being trendy. I am thinking of starting another petition for this one, but maybe under a different name. Maybe a female name like Josephine or Angie.

Black music is all about hip-hop, and let us face it. That is not real music. Not like rock. If anyone is going to cover David Bowie songs it should be someone who is authentic. Like David. Someone like Dave Grohl or Beck.

It is insulting that a black artist who is only concerned about pop music should pretend he likes David Bowie.

The only people who should even be thinking about a Bowie tribute should be Chas. And maybe Dave. Only they can do justice to David’s authentic mid-1970s honkytonk piano sound.

Or maybe The Strokes.

Or Status Quo.

I am totally in agreement with what my friend Wallace says on Facebook:

What Kanye West doesn’t understand is that beloved rock/pop performers exist in a sacred temple which he is not allowed to enter. His rudeness, his chart success, and his ego all disqualify him. Granted, many beloved white performers have been rude, successful, and egotistical, but they do it in a cool way that we can relate to. Not Kanye. He does it in a way that rubs us, the cultural guardians, the wrong way. It’s not racism see, it’s just that he needs to be taken down a peg or two and shown that he isn’t great. Begone from the sacred temple Kanye. We’ll let in old blues singers, along with Jimi, Sly, and George Clinton, but other than that it’s mostly white men who we think are cool. Bowie himself is probably laughing in the afterlife, knowing that he has become a weapon through which we can try and humiliate a famous black musician who thinks of himself as talented. I mean, other than the fact that his main guitarist was black, and that his wife was black, I’m sure Bowie would be on board with attacking a black rapper who is representative of a musical genre we hate (rap used to be cool when it was Public Enemy, man). We have spoken Kanye. DO NOT TOUCH OUR BELOVED BOWIE!

I think Neil (below) though is a reverse racist and THAT IS THE WORST KIND. He should lose that chip on his shoulder, accept that migrants cause the markets to fall and poverty in the first world and appreciate that white people make better rock music.

Gets very tiring to be repeatedly told by white folk that racism isn’t a problem anymore, at least in the music they hold so dear, in the culture they seem to think is so immune to the outside world, the culture they want to remain inured from reality. With the further implication that you’re being paranoid, seeking problems where there are none, that the seemingly blatant unfairness of the way we treat and talk about pop from different sides of the racial tracks is somehow purely an issue of black people’s sensitivity.
Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner? The White Rock Defence League And Some Thoughts About Kanye

If that Beyoncé tries to record a Bowie song I will give her a slapping!

(thank you to all my friends on Facebook)

2 Responses to reasons i am not that sort of bowie fan

  1. Eric Jarvis says:

    God forbid that anyone might attempt a soul version of Young Americans. It would be as awful as some Jamaican doing a reggae cover of Clapton’s I Shot The Sheriff.

  2. […] 17 ‘Your friends are a massive bunch of dicks’. Bowie fans and Guardian readers get personal. reasons i am not that sort of bowie fan a dozen of my favourite covers of David Bowie songs reasons I am not a David Bowie fan the troubled […]

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