The jury is IN.
On the one hand we have boring bland pop folky chameleon tattooed gent Ed Sheeran, a man to whom cultural appropriation is a way of life. He has nothing to say and he doesn’t give a FUCK who knows it. He composes the songs the way the rest of us file tax returns. His idea of love is cement. On the other, we have boring bland rock folky serious chameleon bearded gent Father John Misty, a man to whom appropriating John Grant is a way of life. He has plenty to say, but fuck me is it dull and tedious, and like Ed before him, he does not give a SHIT who knows it. The first is defended genially by fans who seem genuinely perplexed that you should not want to buy into the love-fest and third-favourite-artist aura that surrounds their star. These fans tend to be quite open-minded in their own close-minded way. The second is defended belligerently by middle-aged people (not necessarily in years) who DO NOT UNDERSTAND why YOU DO NOT APPRECIATE proper music, teeming with wit and seriousness and GUITAR CHORDS and secondhand tuneless Jackson Browne and mid-1970s Elton John steals. Most of these middle-aged people also view themselves as serious music critics because music is a serious matter, no snickering at the back there. Ed Sheeran on the other hand is NOT defended by music critics because he is…uh…
Well, he’s crap isn’t he? And he’s everywhere.
Two big minuses right there for our Ed. And yet, and yet, and yet… give me a fly-by-night heartthrob pop star with crap melodies and even worse tattoos over a pseudo-serious beardy heartthrob rock singer with crap melodies and an even worse main band (Fleet Foxes) any day. Straight up. ‘Least the first is there to enjoy, not pontificate and claim higher moral ground over (you WHAT? this is fucking MUSIC you dillwads, you fuckturds).
Animal Collective has ruined music for a generation with their semi-ironic stances, lack of bass, and disengagement with their audience. A band should be vital, an antidote to something, which AC aren’t. Whatever the merits of Animal Collective back whenever they last produced anything of worth, now everyone (everyone that counts, i.e. THE FUCKING OMNIPRESENT INDIE ALPHA MALE) believes they need to grow a beard, act all pompous and po-faced, lift from spiritual and gospel traditions without understanding for one second what makes those traditions so vital, and behave as dully as a glass of particularly dispirited dishwater. It’s a short distance from Animal Collective to Bon Iver to Fleet Foxes. Blame Brian Wilson.
Ed Sheeran 2
Father John ‘Grant’ Misty 0
It’s OFFICIAL! Father John Misty is the more shit.
I’m not doing what Ed Sheeran does. It’s not this cynical approach: ‘I know what these idiots will like.’
Liar, as well as crap then.
Father John Misty
Like an Agatha Christie
Without any myst’ry
Father John Misty: the unpublished poems
Ed Sheeran is shit. He makes Mumford & Sons sound like a thriving farmer’s market. He makes Coldplay sound like Throbbing Gristle. He puts One Direction into perspective. He is the grey. He is the grey. He is the grey in the middle of grey. His emotion is not. Ed Sheeran is shit. Cancerous shit that spreads and grows and makes it so that the abnormal becomes the normal. Ed Sheeran is shit. He is one more marketing device to sell clothes and beer and department stores, and provide an outlet for… nothing. Shit. Less than nothing. Shit. Lifestyle accoutrement. Shit.
Ed Sheeran is shit.
Comments from Facebook
- That’s a tough one. I would have to say Father John Misty because he calls himself Father John Misty.
- It’s like a really shit football match where you want both teams to lose.
- I heard Father John Misty on the radio and I genuinely thought it was Elton John at first. But then I realised that even when he’s doing his mawkish balladeer thing, Elton never sounds quite that dull.
- Not havin that. Ed is untouchable.
- I shall buck the trend and speak in favour of both. Say what you will about them, neither have ever been members of Coldplay.
- Ed “Big shout out to Cameron” Sheeran.
- Both equally tedious.
- It’s an equal tie.
- COME FUCKING ON!!!!! ONE IS CHOCOLATE THE OTHER SHITE!
- Never heard Ed , but he’s ginger and british, where as FJM is a hipster yank, no contest !
- Surely a nil – nil draw?
- Only one way to settle it: FIGHT!
- Misty, hands down.
- Ha ha. They sure do suck.
- I like Ed, he can take a slagging. The world is a cruel place. We can thank our lucky stars our lives are not in the spotlight – we’d be ripped to shreds.
- Father John Misty is a great songwriter, in his previous guise he wrote a couple of the most well written and beautiful downbeat albums of the last decade. Ed Sheeran is rubbish though, but with regard to Father John Misty you don’t know what you are talking about Jerry !!
- One’s a smug self-satisfied narcissistic prick and the other one is … errrm… a draw, I believe.
Father John Misty. Bland is the new boring.