Ed Sheeran is shit

Ed Sheeran is shit.

Do not believe the crowd. My Facebook feed is swamped with folk saying stuff like “I don’t want to say Ed Sheeran is shit because it isn’t up to me to tell others how to listen”. Damn straight. It AIN’T up to you to tell others what to like. You so scared of being misconstrued that you can’t even figure out what you like yourself, though? You so scared of being viewed as old or past-it or not down with the teen kids or (shudder, spit) a hipster that you can’t state your own opinions loud and clear, though? ED SHEERAN IS SHIT. He’s a beardy ginge comfort zone for people with low life experience and few expectations, a gorged smug regular money-making machine whose primary concern is not LURVE or FLOWAHS or… wait, why am I even discussing corporate business with you? Ed Sheeran is shit. You don’t need to be beautiful to say this, you don’t need to be lonely. You don’t need to be popular, you don’t need to be a geek. Ed Sheeran is shit. You don’t even need to listen to Ed Sheeran or his new album or the legion of fans to realise this, just read the apologetic commentary from those too afraid to state the fact, the apoplectic commentary from those who think they’re Making A Statement by coming out against him (yes, Campaign for a Return to Dad Rock, I’m looking at you), the fawning uncontrollable commentary from those whose idea of a varied and worldly musical taste means including a Radiohead album on their playlist of Coldplay, Damien Rice, Sam Smith, Adele and (shudder) Ed Sheeran. Look at the way he looks. Not so much a performance as a baby-adult entitlement. Ed Sheeran is shit. How many times do we need to say this before you start listening? Hey, why not start listening? Just cos you’ve only heard a handful of songs does not mean that no alternatives exist in the world. Ed Sheeran is shit. Do not be scared of the crowd. Has it not occurred to you that the crowd can be wrong sometimes? Ed Sheeran is shit. The very idea of listening to his music drives me to extremes of fury that I thought only Trump and Farage could instill in me these days. Ed Sheeran is shit. Scream it from the rooftops and the balustrades. He has no grace, no style, no panache, no star quality. Ed Sheeran is shit. He makes Mumford & Sons sound like a thriving farmer’s market. He makes Coldplay sound like Throbbing Gristle. He puts One Direction into perspective. He is the grey. He is the grey. He is the grey in the middle of grey. His emotion is not. Ed Sheeran is shit. Cancerous shit that spreads and grows and makes it so that the abnormal becomes the normal. Ed Sheeran is shit. He is one more marketing device to sell clothes and beer and department stores, and provide an outlet for… nothing. Shit. Less than nothing. Shit. Lifestyle accoutrement. Shit. An approximation of music that does not even attempt to capture the spark that can make music so special, so magical, so special. The boy next door who should have stayed inside. Cultural appropriation so half-assed you don’t even realise what’s going on (but it is, but it is).

I eat at MacDonalds, very occasionally. I drink coffee at Starbucks. Sometimes. I buy my groceries at Asda. Ed Sheeran is shit. And that shit is everywhere.

Buy the book: Grunge, My Part in its Downfall

Related posts:
Chris Martin is shit
Dave Grohl is shit
Billy Corgan is shit
Bono is shit
Bon Iver is shit

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17 Responses to Ed Sheeran is shit

  1. Anonymous says:

    You’re shit.

  2. Ian B says:

    Ed = the turd that won’t flush.

  3. James says:

    Not only is he shit, but his words sound like he went into mothercare and bought a book called “My First Lyrics”. Add the blatant plagiarism which is rife on every song and he turns from being just shit, to a thieving shit. A shitty thieving, totally lacking in artistry thieving shit cunt shit.
    😊

  4. Don’t care at all about Ed Sheeran but anyone who says someone is shit because they are a “ginge” can GTFO.

  5. The jack o lantern says:

    Youre shit

  6. Alun says:

    Quite funny. So speaks the NME school of music critiquing. On a Monday, the artist is great. By a Friday, they’re shit. The obvious ingredients of being shit include nonentities attacking you as a Musician and an individual, even for having a hair colour that doesn’t suit, for producing music that people actually like and buy, and worst of all, getting rich courtesy of their talent. Yup, Ed Sheeran is shit all the way to the bank and all of the way to the stadiums he keeps filling

  7. […] Related posts: Ed Sheeran is shit […]

  8. rigger67 says:

    Just ignore him : he’ll disappear eventually, they all do ..
    All those boybands, grlpwr groups, modern day crooners, bubblegum artists .. even SuBo.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I think if Everett had just spent a bit more time actually listening to Ed Sheeran’s music, rather than just launching into criticising the guy for not being cool, relevant etc, he would have realised that Ed Sheeran is in fact quite exceptionally fucking shit.

  10. […] posts: Ed Sheeran is shit Chris Martin is shit Dave Grohl is […]

  11. […] You”. Many of the songs released did very well internationally and have been talked about greatly (although he has recently received some harsh criticism himself). “How would you feel” particularly caught my attention because it has a very soothing sound and […]

  12. […] posts: Ed Sheeran is shit Chris Martin is shit Dave Grohl is shit Billy Corgan is […]

  13. […] posts: Ed Sheeran is shit Chris Martin is shit Dave Grohl is shit Billy Corgan is shit Bono is […]

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