The Chainsmokers is shit.
Predigested shit so it slips down easier. Drab monotonous shit. Some music makes you want to dance like no one’s watching. Some music makes you want to dance all slinky and smooth and slow, pulsating in pleasure. Some music makes you wanna lose control and punch your way to the stars. Some music makes you want to lose yourself in the moment, and live there forever. Some music makes you want to celebrate life loud and clear. The Chainsmokers make me want to check out this life altogether. You so scared of being viewed as dull or not banging or anti-establishment that you can’t state your own opinions? THE CHAINSMOKERS IS SHIT. Music that makes you feel like a Tory councillor. Dead inside. They’re a beardy belligerent Starbucks comfort zone for people with low life expectations, and a fondness for the diluted dirty weekend fantasies of Joss Whedon, a bloated money-making duo whose primary concern is not ENJOYMENT or ESCAPE or EMOTION or… wait, why am I even talking about U.S. business? The Chainsmokers is shit. Chauvinistic shit. You don’t need to be sussed to say this, you don’t need to be smart. The Chainsmokers is shit. You don’t need to hear more than 5 seconds of their music to realise this. Shit that makes Coldplay sound edgy, Explosions In The Sky sound fun and the new Katy Perry album sound cutting edge. Not so much music as a bludgeoning to death of the cute baby seal that exists within the soul of all of us. The Chainsmokers is shit. How many times do I need to say this? Quit thinking that whiny is soulful. The Chainsmokers is shit. Do not be scared of their crowd. Has it not occurred to you that the crowd can be wrong? The Chainsmokers is shit. The very idea of listening to their music makes me want to piss blood into their shared mocha. The Chainsmokers is shit. Being a whiny entitled middle class white boy does not make you interesting, it just makes you a whiny entitled middle class white boy. See also, obnoxious. Fed up with the way folk like Kendrick Lamar and Beyoncé keep insisting on bringing politics into the pop mainstream? Do not worry shill, the fucking Chainsmokers are here to sooth all your worries and last vestiges of self-respect and identity away. The Chainsmokers has no style, no stardust. The Chainsmokers is shit. One more way to sell perfume and Coachella tickets, and make soul-dead middle-management types believe they have a purpose. They provide an outlet for… nothing. Less than nothing. White bread funky music that has no semblance of funk, of groove, of… anything. Remember all those pissed cab rides home when there’s some featureless, colourless, unremarkable music playing on the driver’s radio? Me neither. It’s a strange yet dull and shit and tedious world The Chainsmokers and their fans inhabit, and I wish they would FUCKING TURN THE MUSIC OFF. A private university dorm room fart smell that keeps spreading and spreading. Anodyne, lifeless and wallowing in the smell of their own excrement.
I eat at home. I drink, coffee by the gallon. And The Chainsmokers is shit.
The sound of Trump’s America..
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